Insecure.....

So I’m very insecure and I have always been that way since I was about 11 years old. It’s very hard for me to lose weight with the type of thyroid have but very easy for me to gain it so I struggle a lot. I am always in between 132-140. I hate it. My boyfriend of 2 years does help because he always compliments me and hates it when I call myself ugly or fat. I don’t like calling myself that but that’s how I feel. He is always looking at other girls butts and he tries to do it where I don’t see it but I expect it from him, so I watch. When he pleasures himself in the shower it makes my anxiety go up and I get in the certain mood where I doubt myself. I think because I’m so insecure I feel like he’s not looking at me in pictures or thinking about me. When he looks at other girls I’m thinking he is wishing he could have her. This mindset and these insecurities are so tiresome and stressful. I’m trying to work on them but so far I have not gotten anywhere.