Disappointed with my self

I feel like a really bad mom i am currently 34 weeks and i haven’t bought anything for the baby. I don’t feel excited or anything i wanted a girl really bad to make it my last i already have two boys. All C sections dr keeps telling me a 4th c section it’s dangerous for everyone ☹️ i clearly saw he

Was a boy many times but some how am still hoping when i deliver they say its a girl. Only 5 weeks away and not excited 😔 i feel like a horrible mom. I see all the new moms to be posting on social media there gender reveals and probably 90% of them are girls 😔 am the worst. I don’t even feel like going to buy the car seat 😓