My own insecurities

My fiancé likes photos of girls in their bikinis.

And I saw one he liked, one of a girl laying down not even showing her face just her body, and one showing her face.

Am i mad at him ? No.

But does it make my heart hurt knowing I wish I had that kind of body to make him proud ? Yes.

I’m crying just writing this 🤦‍♀️

I’ve struggled SO hard with my weight.

I can’t even fit into my wedding dress anymore and my wedding is in 5 months.

I’m 153, I was 138 when I tried on my dress.

I lost 7 pounds but when I started a new birth control I gained it back to 153.. so even a little more..

So seeing my fiancé like these photos of girls who’s body I wish I could get, it doesn’t make me mad but it hurts if that makes sense.

It hurts me and puts me in a shell kinda.

I’m not even going to say anything I’m just going to go get cute and try to put a smile on my face knowing I’m trying to loose weight. I’m trying so hard.