My dear friend ( let’s call her Maggie) has been struggling through the pain and heartbreak of infertility for 15 years. 15!! When our mutual friend announced her pregnancy last year Maggie was loving and supportive on the outside but I remember her private fight with depression through our friends entire pregnancy ( and to some extent to this day). There were so many days where I tried to drag her out of bed - sobbing- with cake and cards ... it broke my heart. In January I found out I was pregnant with my third child. I was terrified to tell her... ( I feel very guilty about that so please don’t come at me for it.) I wasn’t trying to alienate Maggie. I just knew that there was no way to make it easy for her so I just never brought it up. She ended up finding out about my pregnancy through a mutual friend. I feel like our friendship ended that very second. She has been distant- and I don’t push it too much because I know she may need her space. I try to be as conscientious as I can and not talk about my pregnancy or do anything insensitive/ baby related but it eeks up on it’s own. ( ex: Maggie’s husband helped my husband move out an old sofa when he noticed we were painting the nursery and furniture. He kindly offered to help us patch up some nail holes in the drywall.) I’ve noticed that as my pregnancy has progressed it’s gotten to the point that when I wave at her she won’t even look at me . She ignores my texts and suddenly she’s cancelled all of our dinner dates . We haven’t had one since I started showing in March. We used to alternate who cooks dinner every Friday. ) When her husband and foster child come to watch movies or have game night with us she never comes anymore. When I am near her it’s awkward and we barely can keep a conversation going. It feels like she doesn’t even want to be around me and can’t stand the sight of me...I want to invite her to our big summer Baby BBQ but I know my pregnancy will be a topic of discussion if not the main topic amongst friends and family. But NOT inviting her, I think, would be incredibly rude and almost like a direct affront. . . . Please help. She’s a very, very important person in my life and I don’t know how to keep her without adding more insult to injury and give her space without letting go of our friendship all together.

Also, I’ve talked to her husband and he told me that she’s happy for us but really struggling with the news...I can only imagine her misery. As her friend I really do feel terrible that I AM the one causing it and I have no idea how to stop or make it better.

Have any of you dealt with this or something similar? What should I do and say to her? Should I give up ?