EXTREMELY DEEP DEPRESSION

Okay so I’ve been dealing with depression basically my whole life and things are getting worse everyday. I have no one to talk to about it and when I do talk to people about it they make me feel even worse. I took 48 pain pills last night and yet I am still alive. I do not want to live anymore I see no purpose I’m literally putting a mask everyday just to get through the day. I’m so numb to everything I don’t even desire sex anymore. I use to smoke weed everyday I don’t even desire that anymore. I’m tired and ready to check out permanently.