18yrs Old But it Hurts All the Same

In January I was pregnant. My sweet six week old little boy joined God on 01•08•19. I had just gotten past shock part of pregnancy and into the happy part when he died. I miscarried at school. I talked to a trusted teacher and cried. I saw him when he died. He was a little sack no bigger than my thumbnail. Je never even got a chance. I know that everything happens for a reason, this is God’s plan, but I don’t understand God’s plan. I wrote a poem in memory of my baby. I plan on getting a tattoo in memory of him.

His name is Ace Mac Delaney. Ace was the name at the top of a list my bf&I had agreed on prior to knowing I was pregnant. My best female friend and I had a joke that her and I had a food baby together named Mac And Cheese and while I was pregnant she referred to my baby as Mac. My bf agreed to make Mac his middle name.

I may have not been too far along to know the gender but God gave me signs during and after the pregnancy that my baby was a boy. My bf and I wanted to give him a name so he’ll have one when we get to see him finally.

I try to take peace in knowing my baby was never hurt and will never know sadness but it’s so hard. It all hurts so bad. I didn’t have anyone there to grieve with when Ace went to heaven. My bf kind of just shut down, our parents didn’t know, and the one friend I had that knew wasn’t in touch with me at that time.

I hadn’t planned on being pregnant that young but I planned on giving my baby so much love and support and accept him as the blessing he was. I may be too young for a kid but all this pain hurts just the same as if I were of age.

Rest In Peace my sweet precious baby boy. Mommy and Daddy love you so much.