I have to go to work soon, I woke up and just cried and I don’t know what I’ll do with myself when someone asks how I’m doing. It’s that time period where the general public kind of expects you to be over it, it happened back in March-april.

I’ve been pretty fully functional and it hasn’t been bothering me most days, but I keep having bad dreams about losing people. I’m still getting that feeling of I’m supposed to be pregnant now, I would be showing this much, etc. I gained weight and I hate seeing my stomach in the mirror.

I don’t know how to feel about the loss. It was 10 weeks. I tried picking a name based on a loved one’s advice, but it still doesn’t feel like a real person.

But then I see some dumb flyer with opk tests and a cartoon of an embryo and I just lose it. It looked like a little bean. It feels so dumb but I kept thinking of mine as my little jelly bean and I just don’t know what to do with all the feelings that are coming up. Why does it hurt so damn much to lose a person I never even met? My husband is wonderful but not at all on the same page, and I feel really alone.