06/05/2019, 11:21 pm after 19 hours of labor and 2 hours of pushing.

I was 41 + 3, scheduled to go in for induction at 8 am on Wednesday 6/5. Woke up at 4 to my water breaking—waited another hour to tell my husband whose first response was “what the f*ck? Don’t we need to go NOW??” (He knew dang well that you don’t rush in the second your water breaks but the shock got to him 😂)

Started having contractions about 6-8 minutes apart, on our way in to the hospital they moved to 5 minutes. Got checked in, and they admitted me for spontaneous labor instead of the planned induction 🙌🏻

The contractions weren’t too unmanageable for the first few hours, but once they got to 2-3 minutes apart I started to struggle a little. I couldn’t lay down at all, or even sit, it made them sooo much worse, so I was pretty much just kneeling on the bed for a few hours, using a big blow-up cushion thing and deep-breathing like it was my only job.

My husband and MIL did hip squeezes to help counter the pain but eventually they got me to try some nitrous oxide just so I could relax a little more. That wasn’t helping much though, and I was just getting more and more exhausted as the day went on.

I don’t remember exactly when they got me to switch to an IV of pain meds, just so I could get a little bit of rest. I was in such a zone of pure pain and exhaustion, and all I could do was close my eyes and focus on my breath.

I don’t know what time it was, either, when they started to get concerned—baby’s heart rate was low and not coming back up because my contractions were so intense, but I was only dilated to 8, so they moved me from a birth center room over to regular L&D, gave me fluids and something to temper the contractions (no idea what), and had me get on my hands and knees to take some pressure off the baby. They also placed an internal monitor to watch his heart rate.

Again, barely remember most of this. I was essentially in a deep meditation state, just breathing.

They had me sign a c-section waiver just in case things didn’t get better but thank god it wasn’t necessary.

I remember pushing a little better than the parts leading up to it. The midwife team kept a warm compress on my perineum and coached me to push with the right muscles, which I really think is the reason I tore so little (1 small stitches on my perineum and 2 by my urethra).

The assisting OB said that she would have thought I had an epidural based on the way I handled myself—no screaming, just deep breaths. What’s crazy is that I did not take any classes or plan how I was going to labor—I just did what I needed to do in order to make it happen in the moment. There were so many times that I wanted to give up, but I also knew that wasn’t an option.

So pushing— he crowned for 15 minutes 😳 they had me reach down and feel his head, which motivated me to keep pushing. I think they offered me a mirror but I said no 😅

When I finally made that final push and they pulled him out and plopped him on my belly, it was an absolutely indescribable feeling. And I felt 10x lighter, like all the fog lifted. He was so slippery and warm and soft, it was so weird to feel.

Also, he’s HUGE. Like, not fat. Just big. 21 inches long, 9 lbs 5 oz. I’m still in shock that I got him out naturally 😬

My husband was my absolute rock the whole time, holding my hand and telling me how great I was doing, advocating for me when I couldn’t focus on anything I was being asked/told.

He’s told me so many times since delivery how proud he is of me and how amazing I was. I also got a lot of compliments from the nurses and midwives about how I handled myself—I feel pretty proud too, honestly.

I am/was sore from head to toe, and broke blood vessels all over my face from pushing.

But it was all worth it for this absolutely beautiful boy. We are so in love.