Stress, anxiety

Hi ladies! We have two beautiful boys. One who left us too soon, and is forever 2, and one who’s almost 3. We’ve been TTC for about two years. Have had 4 miscarriages since we started trying. Last time being in March.

Well I’m 8 DPO and I’m slightly cramping and have lower back pain. I keep hoping maybe it’s implantation cramps. But I keep thinking even if it is, I’ll probably just loose it. Or maybe I already did. I feel like I’m crazy at this point. Can anyone else release or am I just truly consumed my anxiety and craziness?