I don’t deserve him.

My bf has liked me since we were 12. We didn’t start dating until we were 17 but throughout all those years, I simply considered him my best friend. He’d listen to me talk about the guys I was dating & everything. When we started dating, everything went great until the end of junior year. I became a shitty person, I felt the need for attention from elsewhere so I would break up with him, talk to other guys or go on dates wtv & my bf would basically be on the sidelines trying to get right with me. We completely broke it off early this year, I went through some things, he reached out to me & we decided to do things right. HOWEVER, little did I know he had decided to join the military. When I found out, I told him I wanted to wait until he got back because I was afraid he’d come back as a different person with different goals or feelings. He wrote me some letters that make me realize he doesn’t deserve what I put him through. I never deserved someone so sweet, gentle & caring. I feel like COMPLETE SHIT bc I know I was stupid. We’re well out of high school now & I want to make it all up to him. He doesn’t know about what happened, only knew of the guys bc I’d talk about it.. I don’t feel like disclosing any information, just beginning fresh as we will me moving to a different city since I’m gonna be staying with roommates while finishing school. I don’t want to bring up the past but at the same time, I feel like it’s eating me up.. I don’t even know how I would do it.