Post C-Section regret

Okay so I had my son a little over 2 months ago via C-Section and ever since then I can’t help but feel like I failed. And it’s driving me crazy. Did anyone else feel like this ??

The Story: On Thursday April 4th at 6:00 I went to our family birth place to be induced at 38 weeks because my son was very “large” according to my obgyn. After waiting about two hours we were finally ready to start the whole inducing process, I decided to go with the foley bulb and after I reached 5 cm my doctor would go ahead a break my water with the hopes that I would be quicker then doing cervidil, but as soon as my doctor started inserting the Foley bulb my water broke! And I was only a fingertip dilated.

After what felt like forever I was finally five centimeters dilated and in lots of pain from really strong contractions, I tried walking, coloring and watching movies to try occupy myself from feeling like I was dying. I after nothing seemed to work, I finally decided to have an epidural at 5 1/5 centimeters. It slowed everything down finally at 8 o’clock the next day I was 9 cm and my doctor wanted me to start try to push but my sons head would not come down finally at 10 o’clock I was 10 cm. I pushed and pushed and everything starting hurting again so I had to get another epidural because they had given me multiple Redoses of medication threw my first and it was not working.

After my second epidural I was good for about another hour of pushing and everything was hurting again and my baby’s head was still the same place ( his back was also towards mine ) and my doctor told me I would be pushing for a few more hours!! So he gave me the option for a C-Section at first I was not very sure but I was so tired that I finally I went for it. And the worse part about it was I don’t remember anything about my section.

But at 5:40 am on Saturday April 6th my son was born ❤️

And he’s the greatest thing that ever happened to me but I just wish I could remember those first moments.

( same doctor who delivered me 20 years ago )

Here he is now at 2 months old 💙