I Can't accept that it just won't work😔😭

When my son was born he came out and the midwife put him right on me and when I put him to the boob he latched on right away and there was an instant connection and a happiness in me that I might do great nursing my baby boy since I didnt do good with my firstborn daughter (had to stop right here and cry) 😭😭😭😭 (this is so hard and tough and heartbreaking) but I thought my baby wasnt getting enough milk and I introduced the bottle right away and ever since than he got so used to the bottle and didnt want to latch and would cry even when I just took out my boob and put it to his lips.I have struggled and went through so much emotions trying to not give up and having hope that he might latch on and that my breast milk would flow and provide the best milk ever for my baby .its been a month since I stopped breastfeeding and pumping in all, and I still have this guilt in me and feel the NEED to keep trying and so yesterday I started putting him on my boob and he would actually latch on ! But my milk seems low and when I also tried pumping not much milk at all comes out and my pump feels so weak and doesn't pull my nipples hard enough to get milk out. I just feel overwhelmed because I DONT WANT TO GIVE UP😫😖 even after a month break I can't accept giving up, I feel sad , like a failure, and my husband doesn't want anymore children, so therefore this was my only and last chance to successfully breastfeed and I am HEARTBROKEN that I didnt succeed in breastfeeding . I needed to vent. Please give me advice or share any experiences ladies. I feel like just selling pump and getting it out of my sight, so I won't hurt anymore or feel like since the pump is there , I should keep trying.