Feeling stupid bc I’m sitting in my closet crying and idk why?!?

I’m 18 weeks pregnant. Maybe it’s just all the hormones and bottled up emotions I’ve been trying to keep in check. Maybe I just needed a good cry. 🤷🏽‍♀️ We found out 2 weeks ago that we’re having a baby boy. I’m not going lie, I secretly wanted a little girl. The tears I had in my eyes after the reveal were disappointment and not so much joy. I told people I didn’t care but I really wanted a girl bc she’d have my maiden name as well as my same initials(4 names). I know that once I get to hold my little boy, it won’t matter bc he’ll be perfect and my whole world. Right now I just can’t get a grip. I don’t feel pregnant at all bc I’ve been lucky and haven’t had morning sickness or backaches, or really anything. I haven’t felt the butterflies in my tummy yet. I just feel fatter and I can’t stand sweets. My in-laws are crap. They’ve accused me of putting them in an early grave yet I haven’t really spent time with them since Thanksgiving? It’s all over my husband and I not giving them money and Facebook posts I liked and shared. Needless to say I unfriended them bc I don’t need silly, petty drama over them getting butthurt over Facebook. The FIL or the SIL and her family didn’t show up to our reveal. The MIL came with an uninvited guest and tried to rush us into doing the reveal early bc she had to hurry and get back home. It hurts me that my child will only have one set of grandparents. It’s for the better though. Toxic is toxic. My husband won’t touch me sexually bc he’s afraid of causing a miscarriage. So it’s been almost 4 months in that department. I’ve spent the last two weeks sick with an upper respiratory infection. I feel like my husband doesn’t care or help me enough. Even though he does do a lot more than most husbands. I hate that I feel this way but I just can’t stop crying and I feel so stupid, weak and selfish for it. Sorry, this ended up way longer than I thought.