life is so freakin hard

like everything is so hard for me right now i don’t feel happy at all.. i’ve been crying so much and i just don’t have anybody and it’s my fault bc i push everyone away but it just hurts. i have so much going on and nothing seems to be going right and the one person who was always there is acting like he could care less about me. and i’ve been feeling like this for years now i feel like i’m never gonna get better