Questioning my sanity...

Strength hurts sometimes... some of the closest people to me don’t even know that I’m losing it. I put up a smile but I feel depressed. It’s like I don’t care anymore but I still live life regularly so nobody asks questions. Sometimes I have thoughts of suicide then think about how many people I’d hurt if I did something like that. Even with that I’m thinking about other people. As you can see, I’m a very emotional empath. All these medical situations and the loss of my dad makes me feel like a ball of emotions. I’m lost but I know what’s required if that makes sense. I’m scared of these feelings...