I’m not sure how it’s possible to miss something/someone you never got the chance to have, but I do. Deeply.

Last August we lost our son when I was 4 months pregnant and my uterus ruptured. We had just picked a name, and started on a nursery. I mourned for months and months until not too long after we got pregnant again.

Throughout this pregnancy I’ve had short moments of guilt for being happy, like we just forgot that he ever existed. Like I abandoned the memory of him. Like he’s been replaced.

I’m delivering in about one week and wondering if this feeling will ever go away.

I still feel his little soul at times.