Please do not shame me. I know I did wrong and I’m already paying the price with my emotions taking a toll and my anxiety really affecting me right now. I know what I have to which is breaking up..

I’ve been been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years in September... just this past weekend I did something terrible. I’ve been speaking to a guy almost two weeks about everything.. we met up and we made out and did oral... I know I did so wrong that it’s already eating me out alive. He deserves so much better than me. I’ve always had a wondering eye and have been on/off on dating sites for the past 6 months.. but never made any attempts to speak to any guy or meet up.. well this time this is the guy I spoke to before I started dating the guy I’m with now.. we hit it off and everything.. the saddest part is my boyfriend had a feeling I would do this type of thing (this is before I did this and what was said when when we took a break before).. well he was right and I did it. I did cheat and it’s ruining me as a person. I’m losing my mind. But I’ve been losing interest for quite some time but when I started feeling this way I should of ended it.. but i didn’t because I was so scared of being lonely.. I can’t fake love him or keep stringing him along as if we’re gonna be together longer.. and no I won’t be seeing the other guy anymore. I’m too heartbroken for myself. I care about my boyfriend but I just don’t love him anymore like I use to... but I’m so sad because I did something wrong and because I feel horrible for just not loving him like he loves me.. it doesn’t hurt with the thought of leaving him but it’s a pain of the thought that I seriously screwed up.. but it made me realize I don’t love him. If I loved him like I said I did then I wouldn’t have done what I did.