My heart is broken

Why are we females just toys for the guys? Isn’t that unfair?

I feel so weak and dumb.

I’ve been talking with this guy one year older than me (I’m 18 he’s 19) online for 6 months now. Super sweet words, “how are you beautiful?” “You’re so pretty!” “Cute girl”. And last night we got into a fight. He wants to meet with me, but I always felt something wrong inside me, and didn’t want to. I always said to him “maybe”, or “we’ll see” or “I’ll consider it”.

Last night he was like, we will have sex (not exactly with these words) and I was shook. He was like “It’s not rape if we both want it”, “you can practice on me since you’re a virgin” “when you’re ready you can tell me, I’m available tomorrow” etc. And I’ve been so hurt by these words. Now it’s the next morning and I’m awaiting for a sorry text. That’s not a way to pressurize someone like that. And also, our meet up is only to have sex? Not to get to know each other better? Was I a sex toy all this time? I’m so hurt. I feel so dumb, like how could I let this guy waste my time like that? I’m not even ready to have sex with someone. For God’s sake! I’ve never had a first kiss or a boyfriend before! And I’ll meet up with a random guy just to please him with actual sex?!

I feel used even though i’m still not.😔😢