I was invited to a coworker/bosses party a few months ago where I somehow ended up blacking out and I remember exactly how many drinks i had.. waking up the next morning having no idea what happened and being informed by someone else what had happened. I still do not remember the incident fully, I've only unfortunately had a few small flash backs.

*Trigger Warning*

I woke up on someone's porch it was still dark. I was naked except for the scrub top I had on and a towel. I was covered in mud and blood and everything hurt. I was unable to sit up for hours in and out of consciousness I still dont understand what happened to me on the porch or how I got there.

I finally found my way back to my coworkers house, not really understanding what happened. I walked to their front door and knocked until HE came to the door. I didnt know what happend and he told me to come inside and sleep in one of the boys rooms. I went inside and went to get into the bed but decided to shower first because I didnt want to dirty the sheets and make a mess. I then grabbed a dress so I wasnt indecent. And then I went to sleep after grabbing my figi water and locking the door.

It felt like I closed my eyes for a second and then HE was in the room telling me that I needed to leave, because it SHE found me there she would kill me. I didnt understand what he ment or who she was or why she would kill me. but I wasnt able to think straight and my thoughts were very weird and random. I'm not sure that makes sense. It was different than any drunk or drugged up feeling I've ever felt before.

I was very fuzzy headed and still didnt understand what was going on. I knew I was covered in blood, and my head hurt alot, my jaw hurt, I kept feeling very light and floaty in between the pain, and I was really hurt but it didnt really register or hit me how bad it was until a few days later when my concussion subsided.

He then drove me to my moms in his truck. I asked him what happened after a very long silence because I didnt remember and my head wasn't clear enough to really think how to talk? Most of this wont make sense. Because most of what I remeber doesn't make sense. He said he didnt know what happened either.

We got to my moms after brief exchange of words for directions and saying thanks for the ride.

I got to my moms and she let me in her apartment. I asked what happened last night and she told me I had sex with HIM. She asked me if if it was good.. and then I started to freak out saying I would never and she was lying.

And then proceed to show me a photo of me on top of him.. with a facial expression I've never seen before looking right at the camera and anyone who knows me has never seen.. He was trying to throw a sheet up to cover his face.. I threw up in my mouth and ran to the bathroom bawling while screaming..

She then told me that his wife (coworker) , my other coworker and her friend had waited 45 minutes with us alone in that room together.. I still dont know what happened between us fully.. and what I do remember (weeks later) is me being very confused on what was happening and what I was doing. I remember sounds or if i was sitting.

They then busted in the room and took photos and they all beat me up 3 times and broke and destroyed my phone. Then they sent this photo to everyone in our area and even to people out of state.

I am ashamed of what happend but before this and after this happend I never wanted to sleep with him and still dont. I looked up to him like a father. and everyone knew that.. And i still wouldnt believe it if i didnt see the photo myself.. I looked up to him like a father for the few years I had know him and worked with him he always helped me out and went easy on me. (He was my boss)

I recently found out that they planned the party and what happened.. so my partner who also worked with us would quit. I also found out they have pressured other coworkers into having sex with them.

I had a rape kit done. and spoke with PAR (People against rape) and they said it was rape.. some days I feel like I was just a whore who got what she deserved and others i feel like i was raped..

Everyone said that it wasnt rape but why do i feel so disgusted and violated.. he was like a dad to me. His son is my age. His wife she was my friend.. I would never have tried to do anything to hurt them. which is why I'm still confused on how this happned and why.

I just need help and guidance. I dont want want to be called a whore either.. I just didnt know where else was safe to go for help and advice on this topic.. I've always been able to post here irregardless of what it is.. I dont want them to hurt anyone else but also I need advice for myself so I can be ok... thank you..