End it

Yesterday I looked into a beautiful scenery from an observatory and my first thoughts were “I wonder would would happen if I jumped from here”

Now I’m not a suicidal person, trust me but lately, I’ve been beat

I had a 21 & up party at my house to celebrate my birthday and no one showed up except my two best friends and my bf who I live with. It was planned a month in advance , even

And no one showed

I figured , hey whatever, the people who matter are here.

And the day of my birthday, I started work earlier than my bf and I called him on my break. Didn’t say anything. He checked his fb and left a message on my wall and still has yet to tell me. He left for work before I got to see him (I work first and he works 2nd) and usually he will leave a cute note, flowers, chocolates. So I figure maybe he’s surprising me. I walk in and nothing. I celebrated by myself by blowing out a candle that was in a pudding.... (which I didn’t eat)

Honestly it’s depressing. I feel ... unloved. And I thought today Would at least cheer me up. But the one thing on my mind today is ending it all.

I can’t remember a time I’ve cried so much. I’m such a coward, I couldn’t do it, I promise.

But I would be lying if I said it didn’t sound blissful.