Am I being petty or controlling with mil?

Question

I just want to start off by saying that I’m totally open and appreciative to all opinions, and I understand I may just be pregnant and hormonal. 
My mil has over involved herself in my pregnancy and planning for the baby, so I could just be guarded by that. But I genuinely don’t want anyone but my SO at the hospital with me while I’m giving birth, I wish we could even wait a few days after we get back from the hospital to invite people to see the baby but I won’t go that far.
I’m just asking that they come to the hospital AFTER I give birth so I don’t have any distractions, and I know she will be constantly inserting herself in the situation and trying to control it. I talked to my SO kindly about waiting until after the birth for her to come and he seems to think this is abnormal and unreasonable? Am I being unreasonable? Did anyone else let their family stay in the next before and during the birth??
Oh and she also won’t listen to me when I tell her I’m uncomfortable with anyone kissing him on the face, my friends baby was in the hospital for weeks because a family member kissed him and didn’t know they had herpes, he still deals with outbreaks to this day.

Answer

Totally reasonable! Your the one doing the work, I am all for dads being involved in all things baby but this is one area where mom gets the only vote. Just kindly tell the family where you will be delivering etc and that you or hubby will let them know when they can come up. 
I had a scheduled c section, and told my family exactly when they could visit but you can give them a time frame like, after the golden hour, or 2 hours after delivery if everyone is safe and doing well.
It’s your body on full display doing the most epic and difficult thing it will probably ever do. You can’t be spending your time worrying about your MIL. 
If your fam gets offended just be kind but firm. Sorry you feel that way but this is my decision. Such a normal thing to want privacy and peace during L&D. Good luck mama

Answer

Not being unreasonable at all. Does your husband not realize how long it could take for baby to arrive? Or how uncomfortable and in pain you will be? How exposed you will feel? Maybe he should strip naked in front of everyone with his legs spread eagle for hours while he’s in immense pain and then has to take a giant dump. Maybe then he will realize how hard labor is on your body, and how much you really don’t want people to witness that or distract you as you’re trying to deal with the pain and focus on bringing a child into this world. 
What’s unreasonable is your husband not having your back and your MIL not respecting your wishes. I’d be livid.

Answer

Your husband is the unreasonable one. Tell him to lay naked, legs wide open and let everyone stare at him.

Answer

Not being unreasonable.  I don’t want anyone to even know I’m in labor until baby is several hours old.  SO also thinks I’m unreasonable but it’s my third, I know how I labor and I need peace and privacy.  If I feel like a watched pot, I can’t relax and let my body do its thing.

Answer

Um she better respect the kissing thing. Babys die from that. I was just thinking about this earlier.. I have a 10 and a 5 year old and I'm constantly telling them when baby comes u can give ur baby sister kisses on the hand because they can get really sick.  N anyone besides them better not kiss my baby..  
And about labor I mean if its ur first baby I can see why ur husband feels that way but its ultimately up to u and what your comfortable with. I'm having a scheduled csection and dont want ANY visitors at the hospital and at least a week after I come home. My baby my choice

Answer

That’s exactly what I did. I didn’t want to see anyone during labor except my S/O, it was nice having it be just us. We called/text  people after she was born and let them know when they could come visit.

Answer

Totally reasonable. As the mother, you are the patient and you decide who is in the room and who can visit & when. When you get to the hospital, let your nurse know who can visit and they should comply.

Answer

I am in the SAME boat! 
And his mom is offended I said NO KISSING like at all for the first month. 
Idc what she did with her kids 
But this isn’t her kid
It’s mine. 
I do not want anyone at the hospital with me other than my S/O 
And both sides of the family are offended but it’s my decision and I’m the one giving birth and if I’m not comfortable with people being there than they can get over it.
Personally I don’t want people visiting right away either, I’d like to spend some time with just the 3 of us for some bonding time. 
I think it’s very very important you set rules and that everyone understands them and abides by them. You’re the mama and this is your baby! And you’re only doing what’s best for your baby.

Answer

Just to give you some insight, labor is never what we expect! I thought it would be loving and close but I wanted nothing do with my husband prior to epidural (was going for natural, got it at 9 cm to get the 10th cm). A woman’s touch was all I wanted, or to be completely alone. 
I wish I had family. But I was across the country while my husband was in tech school.
I know it’s your baby, you’re absolutely right about kissing. I only let my own mother give kisses to my baby but if course not on mouth.
However maybe they can wait in waiting room? I think if they do that, they are very dedicated to you and baby. Idk it is special and customary to meet a baby when they’re born as the grandparents. Like shortly after. I feel bad that the dads parents don’t get as much credit as the moms. I know when my son has a baby I’m going to feel left out and not get to be as involved as the other grandmother simply because I had the father of grandbaby not the mother. So often the mother of the mother gets extra special time.
Also I ended up with c section and was very offended that my in laws never called to check and worry about me knowing I was in labor for so long naturally to get emer surgery. I hope they will be very hands on for this next birth!!!!

Answer

You’re not being unreasonable...
When I gave birth my MIL wanted to come to the hospital straight away - literally as soon as I had him and I’d not even been stitched up when she was about to head in! I told my husband that I didn’t want any visitors and he made it clear that no one was seeing us at the hospital and would be able to visit the next day when we were home. But that actually ended up been an annoyance too. MIL knew we we heading home and not even after being back 5 minutes she was already over! I would have appreciated some time to get settled but no...
In fairness it’s been better since and she’s been over a few times but not an overbearing amount. In fact, the last time she dropped by, she even texted to see if it was okay 🤣

Am I being petty or controlling with mil?

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