I had a succesful vbac & I regret it

Just wanted to share my story. 12 days ago I had a vbac and gave birth to my second son at 39 weeks 5 days. He was 7lb 6oz.

6 years ago I had an emergency csection due to a placental abruption at 31 weeks. I was determined to have a vbac if I managed to carry to full term

Initially baby was breech so I was scheduled for a repeat csection. At 38 weeks baby turned head down so doctor scheduled an induction for 39 weeks 5 days. They broke my water and started the drip. Labour went really well and only lasted 6 hours. However as baby was ready to come out he started to struggle. I had to have an episiotomy & forceps. Baby had shoulder dystocia and the nurses had to jump on my stomach to get him.

Baby was unresponsive/traumatised but breathing. I never got to hold or touch him, just like with my preemie. He was taken straight to the nicu and then I was told he had to be transferred to a bigger hospital. My little baby needed cooling therapy as his brain waves were abnormal.

After 72 hours of cooling I was finally able to hold my baby and he came home after 6 days. He has a repeat brain scan tomorrow to check his brain is ok.

I can’t help but feel like my selfish desire to have a vbac caused this. If I’d stuck to my scheduled csection I can’t help but feel that none of this would have happened. My recovery feels 10x worse than with my csection. Post natal depression has already taken hold and I just can’t seem to move on.

I don’t want to scare anyone but wanted to share my experience, more for myself and to help others.

I wish everyone luck with their vbacs and healthy babies