i’m fine = i’m dying inside


i find myself nervously tapping all the time. just when my mind goes off to another place or when i’m thinking. i often overthink when i’m trying to sleep. say i get in bed at 11:30. i probably won’t fall asleep until at least 3 or 4 because i overthink everything. i’m usually a pretty loud and talkative person but lately when people want to talk to me, all i want is to be alone in my room listening to music. i don’t talk unless i have to and i’m worried for my mental health. if you’re looking for me you’ll find me in my room with my airpods in and lost inside my head. think i bad thoughts until 4 am when i’m trying to sleep. and i can’t tell anyone, i’m so scared that they get up and run, so i don’t speak. i miss when i was younger the days were so much more fun. weren’t they? i book a new appointment, it’s another disappointment. they’re all the same. the doctor says i’m fine one in morning one at night these pills will help you remember how to smile. by what do they know?cause i feel so alone and everyone keeps telling me i’m alright because the doctor says i’m fine. but my own mind can’t lie to me. they all say it’s anxiety but i just think ya me. now i’ve lost so many years my pillows a tissue for my tears but you never see. and now i can’t even eat my dinner but mom still says i’m getting bigger. am i? but the doctor says i’m fine. but they don’t care about me. they’ll just go hime to their families. why does no one see? i’m not the girl i wish that i could be. i cant bring myself to get help. i took an online depression test and they told me i have severe depression. i don’t know what to do. but i keep saying that i’m fine, but that’s a lie. i’m tired of lying. i’m too scared to leave but i’m way too tired to stay