How can I tell her?

Question

Im pregnant. I have a one year old and have been trying for a while, so I'm very happy... but I dont know how to break it to my best friend...
My best friend has a two year old. Her health started failing and it turns out she has tumors on her ovaries... her doc told her her window for having more kids would be closing very very soon. So she's been trying... so far this year:
She got in a car accident and lost a baby she didn't know she was carrying
Lost a second baby @9 weeks
Just had a tubal pregnancy and her tube burst- her numbers haven't gone down yet and may have a blockage in the only remaining tube.
Not having another kid is going to kill her, she's going through so much right now. And I dont know how I can possibly tell her... please help, send advice

Answer

I think you should tell her but alone. It sucks when you get this kind of news struggling with infertility with people around, at least for me because I can't control my emotions. Also I wouldn't constantly talk about your pregnancy unless she asks. I have a friend who knows about my infertility and constantly sends me videos and pictures and baby related stuff randomly. And I just feel as shes being insensitive to my situation. So just try to be sensitive and understanding if she pushes you away.

Answer

Tell her in a text message or email. Do it when you know she will be home without company or whatever. She will probably need the time to process your news ans feel whatever she needs to feel. If she needs to take some time to cry and shout "why not me" or whatever she has that. There is something so shitty about getting news that is really upsetting but being in a social situation where you have to just pretend it's all fine. So let her have some time to have a real reaction and do what she needs.
Once she knows maybe let her be the guide on how you two proceed. If she wants to talk about it she will bring it up. If she doesn't bring it up she isn't ready yet so give her some time. She might take a step back from the friendship as you start having morning sickness or showing later on. It might be more of a reminder than she can handle. If she does remember it is her grieving her loss (loss of babies, loss of the future she dreamed of with more than one child, loss of ability to bear children, etc.) It has nothing to do with you so try not to take it personally. Or who knows she might be right next to you as involved as possible in everything. Everyone handles things differently. But give her the freedom to handle things the way she needs to handle them with your love and understanding. 
You are a great friend. Good for you for realizing your joy might be painful for your friend and loving your friend enough to want to do what you can for her instead of making it all about you. 💕 Congratulations on your pregnancy!

How can I tell her?

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