What do you do when you feel the ugly green monster creeping up?
My bf got a new job at a Bristol Myers lab. It’s great, he’s great. He’s never ever given me a reason to doubt him, but ....
A few days ago he spoke of one of his coworkers, Lindsey (we’ll call her), and that one moment something ticked off in me and I just felt the green monster of jealousy be born. Idk how or even why. I’m not even sure I remember what my bf said about her. Something about “she’s always having a difficult day, poor Lindsey.” And idk why but I felt jealous for a second. And wondered if maybe he liked her a little. And if I’m being honest, faithful doesn’t mean not having feelings for other people, it means not betraying the feelings of the one you’ve committed to. So I would understand if he had feelings for her because most of what he tells me about her makes her sound like me... except not mildly depressed and suicidal lol. Perhaps, they all joke about “dying” as our nihilistic generation often does. I just hope he’s not cheating on me because good god I feel awful for thinking this but I will honestly believe anything anyone tells me. I’m so gullible, I’ve let men use me in the past and it’s the most disgusting feeling and for the first time I feel loved, truly honestly loved. I see a future with this man and I hate that jealousy has taken root in my gut because I don’t want it to ruin this beautiful thing I have.
A little background: I used to be friends with his ex and that’s how I met him. There was no cheating. We didn’t speak after we first met largely because we both felt attracted to each other but didn’t want to hurt our friend/his then gf. We started talking 1 yr after they broke up. My friend was hurt and she cut ties with me but leaving she said that he had cheated on her and his past two exes. And that he’d called me naive and easy to manipulate. I’d addressed all this with him and he told me his side of the story and I couldn’t dismiss either of their stories because those were their truths. They were both in a toxic relationship and I understood that the only way for me to decide if he’s right for me is to see for myself. So we dated and he’s never made me feel unloved, or less, our arguments are constructive conversations with happy compromises or apologies from both parties. And there’s never been a bad day with him. He tells me he loves me to the moon and back and then some more. And it’s not just words this man has left work early to pick me up from the hospital because I was lightheaded and couldn’t drive. He shows his love for me in subtle things. I’ve never had a man bring me flowers in my 22 years of life and he brings me bouquets when he thinks I feel sad. I honestly think I’ll marry this man and we’ve been dating only a year.
My issue is, that little green monster has taken a hold of me now and it’s bringing back all these old memories and I’m not sure what to do. I feel terrible about thinking this but Thursday is his birthday and I’m going to go have lunch with him and his coworkers and I’ll see her and maybe she’ll be prettier than me or maybe she won’t and I’m nervous. I wanna see how he looks at her, or how she behaves around him. I feel like such a nasty girlfriend for thinking these things. Help me. What do I do😭 I don’t want to be insecure, I want to believe in his love but I’m worn down now. I’m so terrified of being hurt again that I’m doubting the one boy who’s given me nothing but love.
Help ya girl not be a crazy b*tch! 😭