Feelin terrible!

With my second child I feel I didn’t bond as much with her, I had several infections after birth and was so afraid to get close to her of fear I get her sick,I also got severe postpartum depression and now it’s been 2 years and I look at her baby pictures as a newborn and wish so badly to go back and give her way more attention than she got from me,I love both my girls so much and got treatment for my postpartum depression right after I didn’t eat sleep or take care of myself I had a good ob that put me on the right medication but still I feel I wish I could go back and enjoy her more too as a baby, my first born got that from me since I wasn’t so sick!