So I had my annual GYN visit today. I was asked the age old question about if I'm breastfeeding...😔

Back story:

I am plus sized. When I gave birth I was 250 (gaines 45lbs) and felt fine. I was super excited to breastfeed. I got a pump from insurance, I got a ton of breastfeeding tops, night gowns and cover ups. I bought teas and supplements just in case I needed them. I did so much research and was so excited! Then my son was born and he would latch to my breasts. I kept trying! I spent $250 on a lactation consultant to come to my home and show me how to do it because all the help I was getting at the hospital didnt work. They didnt care about me or my baby, at least I didnt feel like they did. All the while we are 10 days after birth and the baby is on formula because I'm trying but he either wouldn't latch or he wouldn't drink enough. I wouldn't pump and get out a half oz to an oz a DAY. He was drinking 4 a day after 10 days. I struggled for over a month. I ate SO MUCH and drank so much water, body armor, coconut water, tea EVERYTHING! I had oatmeal twice a day and I would take my supplements and got no more than 4oz per day after 5 weeks! I would pump every 2 hours for 20+ minutes and still. Hardly anything. I could feel the milk in my breasts, the small pockets that would fill up and I would have to squeeze them out to get the little but I could while pumping. I cried, I felt and still feel defeated by it. It hurts to fail so throughly at something your body is supposed to do naturally on it's own. At my 6 week appt my normal doctor told me I would have needed a wet nurse if we were back in the day. Thank God for formula and your baby is healthy! I must say he is one of the best doctors in the whole practice!

Back to today:

I'm asked about breastfeeding and I told her (my former doctor) it didnt work out. She said I probably wasn't eating enough and I was too worried about losing weight to produce milk. I told her no, and we went back and forth a few times before she stopped blaming me for not being able to do it. It just reminds me why I didn't like her to begin with and why I switched doctors! I'm a your black woman who doesn't feel heard as it is whenever I go to the doctor and this woman isn't making it any better! I need to switch back asap! She left me in a room for 30 minutes after an ultrasound and forgot to come and tell me the results! That my ovaries are covered in chocolate cysts and that I need to be on medication stat! I had to ask her to look at them for fear of complications! I want more children! She told me I shouldn't even try again until my son is 1... I'm just going to say it...FUCK HER!

Sorry for the long post!