He didnt react like I thought the perfect man would😔

Imma try to make this short because I want feedback... my ex was very mentally, physically, and sexually abusive. I finally got out and found my saving grace. My boyfriend has helped heal my scars from my past and I will forever be thankful for God sending me him.

Last night we were doing things and I had a flashback.. idek what triggered it but he let me push him away and out of me and I started having a mini panic attack. I cant even remember what all he said but I remember him asking what was wrong, what did he do, did he hurt me frantically... I got the words out to tell him it was a flashback and he just sat there😔 I guess in my head, I always imagined that the "perfect" guy for me would take me in and hold me and tell me he would never hurt me like my ex did. Finally when I got calmed down, i said are we gonna talk or just sit here because no joke it had been a good 30 minutes.

We talked ab it and I told him what I thought would happen in my head and he told me he was just in shock because that's never happened before and he was kinda frustrated because he had asked me if I trusted him and I told him idk.. so he didnt know what to say or do because he was trying to think of when he had ever made me feel like I couldnt trust him.

Before I had to leave, he picked me up and gave me the biggest hug and when he sat me back down he told me he really does care about me and he always will and he gave me the best hug I've ever had in my life. He held me so tight for so long and I could just feel my whole body relax itself in his arms... he also told me he loved me for the first time😌

I'm not gonna lie, it still kinda bothers me that he didnt grab me and hug me when he saw me hysterically crying, but the flashback thing was also new and neither of us were expecting it so I can see where he would just be in shock.