😭😭 Bye bye, rainbow baby for me💔

I don't know if anybody will see this but I am really struggling to keep up with myself today. Un happy with myself as to why Me🥺😥😭😭😭

Last month I had a positive pregnancy test. Was so excited as baby#2 would be coming to add more love to my family of 3. Few days later had a miscarriage. It was the most awful experience I could ever had. I never thought it would be me. But it happen, cry so much as I was really hoping to add another angel to our family. But it did not happen. I try to see the positive side of this. Leaving all my dream in God hands. For baby#2 So August came, having my hope high up. My husband and i try to conceive again on the open window my app suggested. Was having fun but at the same time scared that something would happen again. But my husband always seeing the bright side of things. I was religious adding all my symptoms on my glow app trying to be sure I would be safe of not missing my ovulation days. Was for sure thinking i would be pregnant. Having symptoms overy pain knowing my body. And took an early pregnancy test wish came back negative. But still hopeing I would be as my app said I was testing too early. So yesterday & the day before i was having headaches body aches nausea and today. ( TMI ) had a bowel movement and just from the blue I started to bleed💔 😨😭😰😱 my heart broke as for sure I thought I would be pregnant this month. I am spotting with abdomen pain all my emotions all over the place. My big baby when off to kindergarten for the first time. I am a full mes. Unsure of my feelings. Feeling depressed mad sad upset with the world and myself for not being pregnant as my husband and i was hope of have our baby in may of 2020 his birthday month. I am still unsure if I am going to have a full period Or what's going on. As other women's say they got there period and were pregnant. Sorry for this long message but I just need to vent out and let my feelings out as I am struggling to asept my reality of not being pregnant ever again. If anybody see this thanks for listening. I just need to open my heart. And to all those mothers out there that are pregnant or just finding out they are having a rainbow baby on May 2020. I wish you the best of luck & my heart goes out to congratulate you all on your beutiful pregnancy journey🌟👼🙏🏻🤰💖