Life with an addict 😞

So here’s my story. Jump back almost 6 years ago, I’m 26 raising a 5 year old daughter by myself. I meet this great guy and things go great, at first. He’s so sweet to me and great with my daughter but things start getting weird. He drinks a lot and smokes a lot of weed. I start catching him in small stupid lies, meaningless really. But more and more of these lies come up. But I’m still falling for him because he’s charming and makes me think he’s not going to keep lying. Fast forward to a year in, its clear he’s an alcoholic and addict. One day he tells me he wants to get sober, great! Things are going well, he moves in a few months later then a few months after that he proposed. A few months before our wedding I suggest that maybe we should both quit smoking cigarettes. I had smoked off and on for years, very little so it was no problem at all for me to just stop. He seemed on board, but then I’d catch him sneaking around with it and lying to me again. So this continued for months, more and more lies til finally he convinced me he was done with it after tons of money spent on nicorette... if he hadn’t lied it wouldn’t really have mattered, it was the weird lies. So we get married and have a few issues here and there, no big deal. We have a baby, things are going great again. Nope. Wrong. He started stealing Xanax from his parents dog. Now dog prescriptions are much higher dose than people. 6 times he took them, but not one, 3 at a time. This is 6 times the amount of high anxiety people take after building up to it slowly. He could not function. Couldn’t speak, couldn’t walk. It was bad. That stops after we find out, then a few months later I find out he’s been getting high at work and is trying to buy from a coworker. Again, he tells me it’s going to stop, then I catch him again. But more lies. I got so mad I punched a wedding picture in the wall, should have punched him, but I snapped my pinky in half. 2 surgeries and 6 months later I’m finally almost back to normal. Then fast forward a little over a year and we go to New York with his parents to visit family. He gets wasted. Then tells me he wants to kill himself, tries to jump off the balcony. His AS sponsor tells me to call 911 so we get him to the hospital, he is 4 times over the legal limit. So I left him there. They put him in the psych ward till the next day. So we get home and he finds a good therapy program for depression and substance use disorder. Well now 2 months have gone by and I think things are going better again. We decided to start trying for another baby again, we had been since March but stopped after New York. So last week we really tried, then this week I find weed in his backpack. Come to find out he’s been taking money at work, he works for a uniform company, so he finds money in pockets or on the ground and has been going to a drug dealer he used to buy from when he is supposed to be at a meetings. And he never quit smoking cigarettes, so this is almost 4 years of lying to me about that. And it had gotten so bad that he had been willingly taking urine drug tests so I would know he wasn’t using. But, come to find out he’s been also buying something to clean his urine from some guy at aa. Now I’ve finally kicked him out because I’m done cleaning up after him. I’ve tried for years to get him help and understand that this is a disease but I’ve had enough. It’s so hard because he really is an amazing father and really is a great husband, you know, except for all the lies. My girls are devastated. We bought an expensive home and months ago that I can’t afford on my own so I’m going to have to list the house, I’m possibly pregnant, and am absolutely terrified. And through it all I still love him because between all the bullshit we’ve had an amazing marriage. I don’t know what I’m going to do, but I know I can’t help him anymore and I can’t force him to get clean again, and I sure don’t trust him. 🥺😔 I know people will tell me weed isn’t a big deal but if you live with an addict who doesn’t just smoke here and there you would understand, it’s all day every day, non functioning...so please understand where I’m coming from.