Am I wrong or is my family being controlling ?

Question

I am 27 and live with my family. I just started a new job at a fitness center after I was laid off from my last position as a teacher assistant. My work hours are different each day sometimes I will work from 9-5pm, 1-9pm, or 11-7pm. My boyfriend also works late until 8pm, so when I work my 9-5 schedule I will see him after work so we can spend time together because he gets Thursdays off or will have another day off. For years my parents have put me on a curfew of 10pm and if I’m not home by then they will yell at me. The first week I started working I saw my boyfriend after work and came home at 10:08 and they yelled telling me I should’ve came home first to say hello, or have texted them so they know where I am. The next time I left work at 5pm I went back home so that there wouldn’t be any problems. I hit so much traffic on the way to my boyfriends house so we were only able to spend an hr or two together before it was time to leave. I need 20 mins to get home. Yesterday I decided to text my mom after leaving work saying that I was going out after work..no response so I figured everything was ok. She texts me at 8:30pm sending angry text messages asking what time am I going to be home etc. I left after and came home at 9:20pm last night. When I got home and she insulted me saying that she doesn’t like my job it doesn’t pay enough even though she told me to take it for health insurance and dental because it was hard to find a new job w/ just a bachelors degree, called me names, then says I’m disrespectful even though i texted her so both parents knew. They told me that just because I follow the rules it doesn’t mean anything, rules change everyday at her job and my father agreed. Then when I tried to change out of my work clothes I closed my door. She timed me for five mins if I wasn’t done by then I’d have to leave my door open or change in the bathroom. Idk what to do I’m trying to follow their rules until I can build up my savings and move out but they’re giving me a hard time.

Answer

I know a lot of people will say "if you live under their roof it's their rules" but honestly screw that. Your parents are deliberately trying to make things hard for you and to say that 'rules change everyday' like what is that?? They just change them based on their mood?? I would have a sit down talk with them and just be like "I'm trying to follow your rules and be respectful but I feel like you're making it very hard for me. It's hard to know what I'm doing wrong when the 'right thing to do' changes daily. I know I live with you but I'm also an adult, I understand you wanting to know where I'm at/who I'm with for my safety but beyond that I feel like I should have a little more wiggle room" hopefully they hear you out but honestly if I were you I would move out somehow if they kept being that way

Answer

You really need to move out 🍀

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Time to move out.

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My opinion is they’re being unreasonable it’s probably time to move out. I have a 21 year old daughter yes we have rules but we also keep in mind she’s an adult.

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Your mother is toxic, move in with a friend or someone else until you’ve saved enough to get your own place

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I had to double check you didn’t say you were 17... your mom is treating you like a kid. However, it may be true that she is just trying to make it rough for you so you are motivated to love out. You really should as soon as you are able.

Answer

Your parents sound nuts like mine. I was 25 living at home when I met my husband they did ridiculous stuff like this too. I’d go skiing with my now husband and his dad I’d get home around 11 and be called a whore by my dad. I tried talking to them a ton of times things still got worse so I moved in with my hubby after like 2-3 months of dating. My parents would still fight or call just to yell at me about something or talk shit on us to everyone. They even made every part of wedding shower and planning a nightmare so I distanced myself after that.  I heard some nasty things hey were saying so I called my mom to give her a chance to apologize and explain she was a bitch and I cut them off that day. Now I have a daughter and they mail me dumb notes trying to apologize but I want nothing to do with them and I don’t want them around my baby because they act so rude and crazy. Sometimes it’s not worth it try hanging in there until you can move out ignore as much as you can and once you are out of the house maybe they will see how stupid they were acting.

Answer

Yeah you need to move out

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I kinda understand the whole “their house their rules” thing, that you do kinda feel like have to be respectful of what they expect  
But you’re an adult, it does seem odd to have a curfew to me 🤷‍♀️

Answer

Move out. It’s pretty much the best option at this point. Do you have a good friend you could move in or find a place with? Your boyfriend maybe (if you’re at that point in your relationship - if not, probably best not to rush it just to get out of your parent’s place)?

Am I wrong or is my family being controlling ?

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