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Question

Just curious if anyone has had an alcoholic spouse and a new baby...
My husband (despite saying many times that he's done) is an alcoholic.
I find myself worrying about my 13 week old daughter's safety when he's interacting or holding her while he's drinking. 
He doesn't get much time during the week to play with her, and when he does have free time on the weekends, he spends that time getting drunk.
I feel I can't say "Please don't drink around her." or express that I want him sober around her. He already raised a child while being an alcoholic and she turned out fine, so I know that would be thrown back at me. Or he'd say I was just like his ex.
Suggestions?

Answer

I certainly would not want my daughter to witness that. Just because he has another child that’s “fine” doesn’t mean your child would process that the same way. We all handle adversity differently, and have different levels of understanding and resiliency.
What if she resents him for spending all his time drunk instead of having meaningful interaction with her? What if she resents you for allowing it? 
There is nothing wrong with an occasional drink or social drinking, but what you are describing can really create a void in her life. He can’t be present if he’s constantly drunk 😔

Answer

Don’t be scared to bring this up with him. Ex’s aren’t the devil. If your husband doesn’t want you to sound like his ex, then he’s heard it before and chose to not change. You need to make it a point to say that you don’t want him drinking while he handles your daughter. His feelings don’t matter when it comes to her safety. Please, please, please put her first. Even if this results in the fight you think it will, then you know you are protecting your child. If he cares about you more than his habit, then he will consider your feelings.

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