Not feeling super excited about my baby shower 🙄

I really just want to rant, I'm mostly just annoyed and overly emotional right now as I get closer to the end of my pregnancy.

Warning this will get long but here's some back story:

Lately I've been feeling like my husband and I are alone with this pregnancy. This is our first child but his older brother and my older sister each already have two kids, so this isn't the first grandchild for our parents. His brothers kids will be closer in age to our child but they live states away, his mom flies up there 3-4 times a year to see them but didn't get to be very involved in their pregnancies. My sister's eldest is 11 and her youngest will turn 9 soon and my mom didn't get to be very involved with her pregnancy either as both times she lived in different states (my sister's husband at the time was in the military). I guess I was kind of hoping there would be more excitement/want to be more involved from both of them since even though they live in different cities we're literally a 30-45 mins drive away from each other (my house being the center point). I even asked them to come to my private gender scan so we could plan a gender reveal together (something they didn't get to do with their first grandchildren or second) and I was overjoyed to hear them tell the nurse they didn't want me to know the gender and that they wanted to plan it themselves. Just hearing their laughs and awes, and seeing their faces when they got to see my baby for the first time had me excited for the next 6 months. But it kinda feels like that excitement died down after the reveal.

I have text weekly updates to mine and his family, and update them on development and growth after each doctors appointment. And I try to visit both sides of our family as much as I can too but no talk of another big family get together or a baby shower had been mentioned since the reveal. Which is where I get to the point of my post.

I'm currently 38 weeks pregnant and I'm FINALLY having a baby shower.....tomorrow 🙄.

My mother who lives less than an hour from me and my aunt who lives in another state, started talking about planning a baby shower at my gender reveal at 20 weeks. I was asked if I had any preference on location or theme and I told them I just wanted it to be close to my grandmother because she has been having some health issues lately. I had not heard anything from them about it since. Until I had a visit with my grandmother, around 28 weeks, where she told me my aunt had asked her if we could hold the shower at her church because my mother insisted she had only agreed to help find a location and the rest of the planning was up to my aunt but she was having trouble coordinating that with my mom too. I called my aunt later that week and offered to just have it at my house or we could have a BBQ at my grandmother's house, since my grandmother had a nice sized back yard. She told me that my mom had called her just the day before and told her that since there was so much miscommunication between the two of them that she would just take over the planning, and then my aunt told me since my mom was going to be that way she was just going to send me the shower gifts she had already gotten me and anything else she gets.

Since talk of a shower had dwindled down to pretty much non-existent, I started feeling anxious and very unprepared for the arrival of my child. So I started buying things I would need before the baby got here: clothes, pacifiers, blankets, diapers and wipes, and a car seat & stroller (I bought what I could at consignment shops and a few things off the FB market place or eBay). My husband even started building a crib and shelves and cabinets in his free time so we wouldn't have to buy those things.

My mom finally contacted me wanting addresses for the people I wanted to invite a couple weeks ago and I'm grateful and excited about it, mainly because I haven't been able to hangout with my friends much lately so I'm excited to catch up lol. But I've been stressing these past two weeks cause everyone keeps asking me what I need or what I really want and I'm unsure what to tell them cause honestly I and my aunt have already purchased most of what I need and I was already anticipating having to buy any last minute things like sheets and a few more bottles after babys arrival (on top of worrying about baby coming before or on the day of the shower). I've really just been looking at it as more of fun get together than a baby shower, but I have given everyone a general list of things we could always use more of.

My aunt has been a huge help to my husband and I, and I'm so grateful for her and all the things she's gotten us already. I've called her multiple times crying happy years after receiving one of her boxes lol. But at the same time I feel kind of left out. My sister had already had 3 baby showers by the time she was 30 weeks and most of my friends had had at least one before they hit 30 weeks. I just kinda feel like my mom is throwing something together last minute cause she feels like she has to and I don't even know if I really want to have a shower anymore that I just agreed to have one so I can see and hangout with my friends before the baby is born.

Either way I'm going to enjoy myself tomorrow, no matter what happens. I'm hoping I'm just feeling this way because of hormones and tomorrow I'll be better lol. I will admit I've been seeing a lot of posts on here and Facebook lately of other new mom's baby showers and decked out nurseries and it is making me a little jealous too. Cause I've been focusing on getting only the necessities and I'd get things like toys and bedding and story books after babys arrival, so looking at all these beautifully decorated nurseries showing off their baby shower gifts has me feeling even more unprepared when I look at my nursery and the shelf's are empty, the mattress is naked, and there are barely any cute toys or rattles or anything in it.

I just keep reminding myself of all the things that we do have that have prepared us for our little one, and all the money we've saved, ourselves and our friends & family, with my husband building pretty much all the furniture. It's been harder lately to stay positive and on the bright side of things with all these darn hormones 🤣😭.

Thanks for listening/reading lol I feel so much better now, y'all are great 😘.