Let me feel broken

I want to start this by saying that my husband is amazing. We have been together 7+ years and TTC for six of those. He is my biggest supporter and has been with me through so many life altering places these past few years.

He is the most positive person I have ever met.

We have been TTC for a long time and I’m just at the place where the hope has washed away. I’m exhausted. I’m sad. I’m so very tired. I want a baby more then ever and I don’t know where to put all this sadness?

We have a new fertility doctor we are seeing soon and idk, i just can’t feel excited like I used to.

The last couple of days I’ve just been in a shit mood. I’ve been snapping and I’ve been crying and it’s all over the dumbest things. I just finished my period so I know this is emotional, not hormonal.

I was crying in the car the other day and he just snapped at me. I mean he SNAPPED. Yelled at me that I don’t have enough faith. That I should know and believe that God will give us a child. That he’s tired of how negative I am about it.

He later apologized. He’s only yelled at me like that one other time in our relationship.

I know he’s stressed too. I know he wants this just as much as I do. But all I can do is think about what he said.

Is my faith really weak? I think God allows us to feel broken sometimes. I think it’s not a sign of weakness but of honesty to admit that we are just done for now.

Just let me feel Broken for a little while.

I am so tired of being strong.