I don't really know how to go about this so I'm just going to wing it. Last week was one year ago to the day that I was raped by someone I thought was my friend. I spent pretty much the entire day in bed having panic attacks and I finally had to tell my significant other what was going on. Up until this point I hadn't told anyone what had happened, maybe out of shame or embarrassment, but also because I don't really remember much about that night. I remember I was a senior in college, and my friends and I were all drinking at my house before the big fall concert. I certainly wasn't drunk but I wasn't entirely sober either, I'd had maybe two or three drinks. The last thing I remember is agreeing to go with his back to his room to get his ID because nobody else wanted to, and everything after that is totally blank. The next thing I remember is my boyfriend putting me to bed after buying me a cheeseburger, sometime later. Lately I feel like I've maybe been having flashbacks to what happed, like I maybe just blocked it out, but I can't tell what's real and whats not. I like to think that this has had no affect on my life, but that would be a lie. I saw a car with the same license plate state as him the other day and had a panic attack, and ended up being late to work trying to pull myself together. I see people that look like him on the street or in a store and completely lose it. I've lost a really good friend because she told me that I probably wanted to do it and was using rape as an excuse to cover my cheating, and continued to be friends with my rapist after, and after he sexually assaulted another one of my friends.

I have to give credit to my boyfriend who is a complete saint for dealing with me for the last year with no clue what was going on, no understanding of why I could only very rarely have sex without going into a complete panic attack, or why I suddenly couldn't deal with him touching me. And after telling him what had happened he was rightfully pissed that I didn't tell him sooner so he could help me deal but also said that it didn't change anything between us and he still loved me the same, just wanted me to get some help