I’ve been struggling with a depressive spiral since the beginning of the year, caused by a bunch of things all coming to light and happening at once.

(The only therapist I’ve ever liked had to close shop, my family was struggling with health issues, my boyfriend came clean about resenting me when I was suffering from panic attacks and lying about talking a girl he said not to worry about)

Recently, my mental health has been absolutely awful. Multiple attacks every day, constantly crying and feeling so completely alone. My boyfriend has gotten upset with me and started avoiding and ignoring me before whenever I’d come to him to talk about my mental health or how I’m feeling so I learned to stop. Lately, it’s been harder to hide because when he’s over I still have attacks and cry and get upset and sad. He’s been asking me why I’m so depressed and why I’m so upset and I just can’t answer that and it makes me feel so guilty that I don’t know why I feel like this. He recently told me it’s okay to come to him so I have been but he still tends to ignore me when I tell the truth about being sad or not feeling well and it makes me spiral into an attack and apologizing and wishing I hadn’t said anything. Well, today he told me it’s been taxing on him and he’s not good at dealing w emotions so he doesn’t know what to do. I haven’t even been sharing everything completely with him. Should I not tell him at all, is it bad that I expect him to be able to at least just listen to me without it blowing up in my face? I feel so guilty and disgusting for talking to him about my depression in the first place