Can I have advice 😔

In a position where I feel so lost. I have a baby with my boyfriend of 3 years. Looking back he’s done SO MUCH to me. He’s tried to entertain girls, has hit the wall, cusses a lot, gets angry so easily, he’s made my self esteem go down like crazy. He isn’t the father I’d thought he’d be. I wish he was more involved. Helped more, be with his son more, etc. He made a hole in the wall again about a month ago and was trying entertain this girl. Put my son aside to do a favor for this girl. I felt that day I lost everything I had for him. It’s so hard ladies! I feel so stuck. I have all these memories with him, I know if I try to leave he’s going to act to the judge that he’s this dad that gives 100% attention to his son when he doesn’t. I know it’s going to get ugly. But frankly in my perspective there’s absolutely no feelings. Yes if something were to happen to him, I’d be sad but there’s no love. I want real love from a man that wants to be here and treat me right. I want to know what it feels to have a loyal and good man in my life. I don’t want this anymore. My boyfriend always reminds me that he pays for my car, the rent, etc. I do work and I go to school. Like I said he has provided a lot but he doesn’t provide real love. I’m not sure what to do. Can I have advice 😔