What the hell 😫

LO was in the nicu for the first 16 days of life. While he was there, I pumped 8 times a day and nursed him 4 times a day. Before he left, I was pumping about 30 oz a day and he was only eating about 8oz from bottles so I developed quite a stash right off.

When he got home, I still had to give 4 bottles a day (24 cal fortified breastmilk) so I needed to keep pumping for those bottles and after he got the bottles to make sure supply maintained. Well, despite nursing him about 6 times a day, I suddenly went from pumping 30 oz a day to 50+oz a day within 2 days of getting home.

So the last two weeks, I’ve been cutting down on pumping sessions. I still had to pump to empty each bottle feeding, but slowly managed to cut out my overnight pumpings. I managed to get down to 4 pumping which gave me 20-25 oz a day which was a lot more reasonable.

Yesterday, I pumped 22oz.

Today I pumped 53 oz in just 4 pump sessions 😭😭😭. WHAT THE HELL. It was so much work to cut back and now my boobs have suddenly decided to go into overdrive for the few pumps I’ve gotten down to. This morning, I pumped 18 oz first thing. I’m engorged constantly so he can’t latch and hand expressing is so painful when they’re like that.

The hard part, I have to pump to empty to have a good balance of foremilk and hindmilk for his bottle feeds.

Honestly, making sure this boy gets breastmilk only has made my life so unenjoyable. I won’t stop but between engorgement, blocked ducts, his lip tie, I’m just so over it. My nipples are raw and aching constantly. I cringe when I know he’s doing to be hungry because I do NOT want to latch him to my swollen sore nipples with his cruddy shallow lip tied latch. 3rd baby and the hardest time I’ve had yet!

Just needed to vent 😫