Confusing someone please help

I am a 17 year old girl and I was with this guy and I had to break up with him because I was raped by my best friend and I have been using guys to make me happy and then one day we almost got back together but I was still fucking around with this guy and he found out and got really mad at me so mad that he wants nothing to do with me and I really miss him and I want him back.... some please help idk what to do anymore I just txted him today to see if he wanted to go get lunch but he said no and I asked if he wanted to start over as friends and he said no but I can’t stop thinking of him please help