Hurting

I had my baby on Tuesday, and I didn’t think all of these emotions and waves of sadness would hit me as fast as it did. I didn’t think postpartum depression could come this early on. I’m tired. I’m tired of feeling worthless, I’m tired of crying. I’m trying but it feels like I’m dying. I’m so sick of it already. I want the pain to go away. Then to have my baby in the NICU is hard, I cry every time I leave that room 😞 I want to cry seeing him with all of those wires on him, but I’m trying to be strong for my baby I really am. Everything is harder. Basic shit that I did I wish I could do easily. I got a c section and healing... getting out of bed is painful, showering is painful, going to the bathroom is painful, walking is painful, getting into bed is painful, hell eating is even painful. But one little person needs me and I’m trying my hardest to be strong for him. I just wish people would understand better than how they tell me. I’m so sick of venting and all I get is “you’ll be okay” or “it’s okay” it’s not okay! I’m at this hospital alone all day long. It’s depressing when no one visits like they said they would, because they’re so tired from work. I’m just struggling with my thoughts. I can’t do this I need Tuesday to just come on when he’ll be able to go home with me. My fiancé keeps saying he’s too tired to come to the hospital tonight, and I get that, he works 12 hours a day under the hot sun in construction...but it’s not like the house is far 😞 it’s a 10 minute drive... I’m trying to be understanding that he’s tired, but I’ve been alone all day at the hospital unless I go see my baby.