This sounds bad but this is how I cope

Please no judgement I’m getting in a better place. Anyways I’ve had depression since I was a teenager now 20, my best friend, my one love died 4 yrs ago, tragic suicide-car wreck and I need a depressing/sad book to read if anyone has any recommendations.

Yes I’ve tried therapy and no I don’t want the medication the doctors tried giving me, they make me feel less alive than I do now and like a noodle. I don’t want judgement I just want a recommendation for a book. Thanks!