School fights leading to deaths and criminal charges- no one "wins" these fights- What should parents teach their kids about violence, retaliation, self defense and stepping in when they see bullying?

Question

These are just 2 examples....

Obviously sparked by all the bullying discussions. I'm just asking that we all take a step back from the notion that-
 "I'm going to raise my kid to beat a kids ass if they lay a hand on them" 
"Don't start a fight, but finish it"
Put yourself in either of these parents places- either your child is charged with criminally negligent homicide etc or they have passed away. 
In the first screenshot, you can see that it all happened very quickly. No one wants to think their child would be the aggressor, but obviously it happens. Kids never imagine a fight would lead to death, but it happens.
What is parents and educators responsibility in teaching kids how to handle conflict and violence? Does teaching kids to fight back, rather than self defense and fleeing the situation, lead to more violence in the long run? What are some real solutions to the issues surrounding bullying?

Answer

Both of these cases are horrible, but both of these victims were exactly that, victims. Neither one of these children who dyed were bullies, they got attacked for no reason. Yes we should be teaching our children to keep their hands to themselves, but sometimes a bully needs to be knocked the f*** out with one good punch to the face.

Answer

I think self defence classes should be taught at least once a year in schools. How to block, break away, disarm, disorient and flee. For older kids how to also hit in a way that will not cause significant harm (non fatal injuries) but will improve your chances of escaping, hitting should not be taught for handling bullies but for handling random assaults that happen in the streets/home.
I also think parents should be invited in for a talk to make sure they aren't putting their kid, or other kids, in danger by teaching them to hit others. Violence needs to be removed from schools, but it has to be removed at home too.

Answer

They were assaulted by these kids. If your kid is attacking people for no reason then you as a parent need to have a conversation about them keep their hands to themselves. People are telling their kids to defend themselves if they are viciously attacked. Don’t try to turn it into parents saying their kid can just go around beating other kid’s asses. If the other kid threw the first few punches and my kid tries to get away and they can’t then yes please defend yourself. If it’s just a stupid fight over a boy/girl then I’d tell them to walk away from that bullshit. Again unless my child is attacked and can’t get away they have full permission to defend themselves.

Answer

Teaching children how to deal with conflict begins at home. This is why I am extremely all about teaching non-violence in the home, even avoiding any form of violence as discipline. 
I teach my daughter Kindness, nonviolence, and healthy conflict resolution using communication. I teach her that she is never to be a bully to anyone and if something happens because she is being a bully, she will be held accountable for her actions. Not only by me, but possibly by the school and by law enforcement, and I will not be coming to her rescue to lessen the impacts of her behavior. So making good choices as far as how you treat people is very important. I model these values for her by choosing to show respect and kindness to my child and never choosing violence or bullying as my form of discipline and by treating others with respect as well. 
I will also teach my daughter about the laws concerning self-defense. Where I live, in order for anything to be considered self-defense, attempts to walk away first needs to happen. If you are able to walk away, then there is no other reason to fight. Put your ego aside and get out of harms way. Self defense comes into play only when you are no longer in control of your physical ability to walk away. Sure, you may want to hit someone, but real protection of yourself can only happen when you get out of harms way. If you can’t get away, that’s when you fight. My daughter will be taught self-defense in the case that true self defense is needed.

Answer

As a kid who has received threats from bullies and has been in physical attacks (nothing as bad as this they were outside of school) lemme tell you that it never starts with a random attack. There is almost always a motive and there is a beginning. YOUR CHILD WILL NOT ALWAYS COME TO YOU. The parent mentality that “My child will always come to me.” IS UNTRUE. “Snitches get stitches” mentality is part of the problem, people need to knock it off with the whole “no tattling” first. Children’s sense of what is a serious problem is flawed true , but once they reach adolescence it’ll be even worse. You have to make their smallest problems important so they trust that you’ll handle their biggest ones. If your kid comes home and is upset that freaking Sally looked at her the wrong way, let them vent but don’t fan no flames and help them rile down. They’ll see you as more trust worthy and won’t attempt to take matters into their own hands. They will talk to you if bullies start harassing them.
I’m not a fighter, I was small and underweight at the time. Very fragile from having issues due to being underweight. I wasn’t being punched, I was being thrown to the ground and held down, it was an obvious power move. The more I struggled the tighter the grip and the more I was shoved down or my face would be pushed downwards into the ground or something I didn’t want to deal with. I had the “You can hit back, but it won’t hurt them and they will hit you even harder next time.” Thing going on. Sometimes the best thing you can do is tough it out and focus on defense. That needs taught because realistically, kids like me were never taking down someone bigger than me. Especially since I’m already down.
Schools need to crack down on bullying more, WAY MORE. It happens in front of their eyes. It isn’t some coincidence if a student is ostracized in some way, or always looks down. Heck see if they ever look upset with interaction with their peers.

Answer

These kids were the VICTIMS of bullying. They were not the aggressors. Doesn't even sound like the first child even had a chance to do anything to protect themselves. I get what your saying but these aren't fights, fighting involves both parties. These were jumps, which bullies love.

Answer

PRIVATE SCHOOL and self defense  classes  thats all I gotta say. If this was my child id be needing padded walls so I didnt retaliate.

Answer

Yes we need to teach kids to handle conflict BUT WHY ARE WE NOT TALKING ABOUT KIDS WHO ARE BYSTANDERS AND FLIP THEIR PHONES OUT RATHER THAN GETTING HELP! TEACH YOUR KID TO GET HELP, TOO

Answer

I'd teach mine, they best not be the ones starting it, I'm not gonna help you if you're the one in the wrong. If they can walk away walk away let it go but the minute they punch, slap, kick, shove you and they are not playing with you they want to hurt you, by all means go down swinging. Defend yourself only if you can't escape the situation.

School fights leading to deaths and criminal charges- no one "wins" these fights- What should parents teach their kids about violence, retaliation, self defense and stepping in when they see bullying?

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