Yes. I remember..

You hurt me, not physically but mentally. I will never be the person I was before. Every day I get a new part to remember. It’s been 4 years and I still get effects from that horrible night. Today, I was reminded of you; it sucked because I thought by now the pain of that night wouldn’t effect me anymore; but I was wrong.

Sometimes I blame myself, like “why did I drink the alcohol with Kayla?; why didn’t I follow my gut feeling that said don’t go? Why did I let my mom persuade me to go?”

I remember before the alcohol you stayed back, you were like a coyote. I was your prey. Before I knew it I was going in and out of consciousness while you had your way with me. Why? I was 16 years old. 16!!! You were going on 25. Kayla thought it’d be funny to record it, and send it to me in the morning. Why would she do that to me?

I was going to wear my pretty blue dress for school the next day.. I couldn’t do it. I felt disgusting so I put on my sweats.

You asked me if I remembered...

Yes I do.. I get reminded about something new daily.. today it was the way you restricted me. I can’t have a normal life because of you. My husband feels like he’s walking on eggshells because of you, you raped me. You shattered my soul. I remember you counted me, I think I was number 53.

I wanted to go to the cops but what were they going to say? I was drinking so I deserved it? You took everything from me.

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To those who read this thank you it’s just a way for me to cope. I’m 20 years old now, with a husband and a baby girl. Writing it out helps me sleep at night.