Double ectopic pregnancy

I was in a long term relationship for 4 years. I was sure this was THE one. I then I found out he was living a double life. With my future plans of marriage and children ripped away from me, I pulled myself back together again and decided to become a single mother by choice and continue my life dream with or without a man. I had an hysteroscopy and did 2 cycles of

IUI

with donor specimen. The first was unsuccessful also devastating. The second I got a "congratulations ur beta is a little low but you are pregnant!"

I did a follow up on my hcg and my levels shot up normally so all seemed well. It went very high very quickly. I was on cloud 9! My dream had come true. Then I started spotting and was nervous. I did my 5 week ultrasound and by then my levels were in the 2000's and there was no baby in the womb. The beginning of my nightmare began.

Then came the second surgery an d & c. The next day I was told it was an ectopic pregnancy and then i received a round methotrexate treatment the next day ( a form of chemo to terminate the pregnancy) but by this time my levels were nearly 8000. First dose doesn't work , levels go up, second dose and its going down VERY slowly and they finally do another ultrasound. And there it was .... an embryo in each tube. My heart sank and it was completely unbelievable. I recieved a 3rd dose and still... my levels are going down very slowly.

My arms look like I'm an addict from all of the bloodwork, at least 3 times a week , and now the pressure is on to remove my tubes. My case is very rare apparently. Even with

IUI

a double ectopic pregnancy is almost impossible and super hard get any of my own information on the case since it is so rare. I am refusing the operation and keeping faith that my body will resolve this situation and heal.

But now I am risking possible rupture and facing the chance that now both of my fallopian tubes are permanently damaged. All for trying to follow a dream. I am in pain I am tired I am trying to work full time and i refuse to tell anyone at work so with all of the treatments and monitoring appointments I'm pretty sure they think I have cancer. And I'm doing this all alone. I am living a nightmare.

I have started seeing a therapist because this is all alot to handle. But other then that I have been doing this all alone so it is hard to not feel lost and depressed. Although I'm sure ppl around me can see that I look different, they don't know how severe and exhausting this has been.

Has anyone else dealt with a double ectopic pregnancy? Losing 2 babies and both fallopian tubes at the same time is heart wrenching. Am I crazy for having faith in my body and refusing surgery? Fyi I am still being monitored at least 3 times a week and I am back down to 2300. After 5 weeks and 3 rounds of the methotrexate.