Feeling worthless

Just needed to vent because I am sitting in my room with a beautiful sleeping 8 week old who is an absolute dream and three crazy dogs including our Great Dane BEING MY DREAM DOG and a nothing short of incredible wife and amongst all of this beauty and love and light all I feel is dark and angry I feel like I’m falling out of love with everyone and everything my pregnancy was traumatic baby was fine fine but I lost it with mental health because I had HD and migraines and then my delivery went haywire and then 6 days after birth I was rushed to the ER for a four day stay due to pp preeclampsia and a kidney infection alongside a blood infection... and because I reduced having my sweet new babygirl around the germs of hospital I sent her home and she was away from me at only 6 days old and that led me to postpartum PTSD I love this little girl and I just feel like she deserves a much better mother and I know this is the mental illness talking 100% but I can feel myself losing grip to reality I have ZERO thoughts of harming my baby or myself or anyone but I just want to slip away for a while and sort it all out and come back better because I have had depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember and that’s how I treated it I spent time alone and sorted myself out and not I can’t and that leads to feelings do selfishness like how dare you want a break for yourself people have it much much worse and it’s just clouded sadness and anger in my head so I’m throwing myself into the help I talked to my doctor and we are starting treatment and I hope it works because this is miserable and randomly on Facebook I read a post about a girl losing her mom to PPD and how it ruined her and again I don’t want to harm me or the baby but that post just have me the extra boost of okay let’s fix this for her if I love her enough to think she needs a better mom then that’s what I WILL DO I will be the mom she needs and deserves. Sorry long rant/vent