What kind of person am I to give in to my depression

I'm pregnant, have two kids, and a husband who claims to love me but yet here I am asking for drugs to numb the pain, something I've never done in my entire life. I swore I would be the odd ball of most of the country and refuse any and all types of drugs. But nope not today. Now here I am trying to think this through. What would make things easier for everybody. That I go and get checked in tonight before I harm my unborn child and take my family down this horrible path or take the one pill to numb the pain for just today. Because just one day I want to go without feeling like this. I know your going to judge I know your all going to say some more hateful things becahse I'm saying them to myself as I type this. I just have no one. My husband would blame me like he always does. He will just yell and cuss me, rightfully so I guess. Never in my life have I tried weed or done any drug besides Tylenol for headaches and body pain. I just want to feel numb. I just want to feel at peace with my mind. I've asked for the help and no one helps me. The medicine they give me makes me sick as a dog after one dose and they've exhausted all other options. I have prayed to God to help me through this, to pull myself together. I've gotten on my knees and begged for him to tell me what to do but sadly he isn't there either.