Sorry just need to vent... don’t know where else to turn😭

I really don’t know where to start... I’m soo hurt and mad rn...just need some advice or even opinions. So let me just start with I’ve been in a relationship for two years now. I have 3 children from previous relationship. Ages 12-9. He has no kids. I am 5 years older.. my boyfriend and I decided about a year ago that we wanted to start trying for a baby. Well we’ve been unsuccessful. Which has been hard on me. But everything started because my oldest had a ballet recital today and he didn’t want to go. I was upset because he really not involved with things like this. I really wanted him to go and I know she did to. Just to support her... don’t think it was to much to ask???But he refused. I mainly am mad because he claims he wants to be a family and start his family. But doesn’t want to be involved in things like this. So in my eyes I feel like if you can’t be there for my kids for things like this then how can I trust he’s not going to be the same way with our child if we had one... started making me think like is this how you would be or would you treat that child differently because it’s yours? And that’s not going to fly with me.. like I believe that shouldn’t be with someone with kids if you don’t want to be there for them. Not talking about financially either! I take care of my kids💯 I also even was going to pay for his ticket they was only $10 🙄but still NO! Like how you claim you wanna be a family but don’t wanna be involved with things that is important to them..just when it cavient for you!! that’s not how it works!!! it may seem small but she worked hard and I think he should of been there for her today.. just made me really look at him different today, never been so mad at him before.. I hate it but it’s how I feel right now 🤷🏼‍♀️but anyways so he drops up off at the theater where she was dancing, few mins later he texts me. Saying that this morning was a mistake I don’t want a baby anymore... referring to the unprotected we had before our disagreement...that just broke my heart but I couldn’t let him know what else am I supposed to say to that?? So I just said I agreed , 😭😭part of me think that it’s for the best. like I said I think he needs to be more involved and show me that a family is what he really wants..like I told him he really showed me a lot today...but at the same time we’ve been trying for a year. I’ve been wanting a baby and all this time he claimed he wanted it too and just like that it’s a mistake.. It hurts... like how do you just stop wanting a baby 😭😭 I just really don’t know what to think or how I should feel... like was I wrong?? did I make a big deal out of nothing??was I asking to much?? Any advice? I’m sorry this was so long but just really need to let it out!!