In Need Of Support

My little family could use some prayers and support. This might be a long post because, well, it’s me. All my posts are long.

My baby girl is still miserable with her rash. And all of the crying isn’t helping her congestion. The medicated cream seems to be working, but the pharmacist said that on irritated baby skin, this cream will feel like sand paper. It’s spread to almost every fold on her chunky little body. I gave her a wash cloth bath and it seemed to be soothing, but as soon as I started putting that cream on.. she was in so much pain.

I put a dress on her, thinking that’d be good for 1. Air flow 2. Not having a onesie push against her diaper and 3. I could easily tell when she needs a diaper change.... but getting any clothing over her head is horrible!!!! And... I just remembered I have a T-shirt that I could avoid pulling something over her head... fuck. Wish I thought of that sooner.

I’ve discovered the single most painful and horrible thing in this world. Having your baby in so much pain and so scared and not being able to hold her because it just hurts her more!!!!

On top of this... I’ve been an ass lately to my husband. It’s gotten to the point when he just asks me what he’s done wrong now or telling me he hates having to report to me. I hate myself so much for this that I’m having panic attacks daily.

I also think that I’m having gallbladder issues but my OB is out of town and her nurse hasn’t called me back yet. I can’t go to another doctor because she is literally the only one in this town I trust.

To top it all off... baby isn’t covered by insurance at the moment, I’m probably not either... and it’s the first time since having a baby that hubby and I are running low on money. We spent too much on the new house and now we’re just trying to make it to payday. But the check he gets will only cover the bills. And I don’t start my new job for quite a while still. I also have to take my sick baby with me to get fingerprinted for the background check and I still have not found a babysitter!!!

I’m grateful things aren’t any worse, I know they could be. But it’s our first real rough patch and I’m scared. I don’t have any friends here to talk to.

I also forgot to mention that baby’s face is worse after the medication. It’s even more dried out and starting to crack... like severe chapped lips! I just don’t know what to do anymore. Her body needs to dry out but her face needs moisture!!!

On a good note... she was screaming and crying and I had her sitting in my lap so I wasn’t touching any of the rash. And our pit bull would not leave. At all. So I told him he could lay on the sofa with us. He put his face close to hers and she stopped crying. SHE EVEN LAUGHED. She was perfectly calm for a few moments just looking our dog... who I assume is now her best friend. I needed that.