Im scared

I've applied for therapy but there is a massive waiting list. But at the moment I'm really struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel. My anxiety is so bad and there are those niggling ticks and voices in the back of my head that are always telling me I'm not good enough. That I'm going to lose everything I have good. Because I'm so terrified that it might be true, I end up messing it up out of fear.

But lately I've been thinking about death. Mainly because I hate waking up in the morning. Sleep is so peaceful and nothing hurts me when I am asleep.

I don't think I would ever do it. But when I wait for the train I think how easy it would be to jump towards the tracks. Or crossing the road, I could just stop and let a car hit me.

I'm terrified.

Edit: I live in the UK. I've tried going to A&E but they sent me home asking about my plans. The fact I am studying at university 5 days a week and work 2 jobs they are okay with my situation they keep saying it good to stay busy and distract myself. To try and keep to a routine. I've worked myself silly and I haven't had a day off in 3 weeks to distract myself but its just made me feel tired and even worse.