From a child of a marriage

Li

Li

Right now, at this very moment, I’m stuck in a situation which I so vehemently despise.

Just for background information, I'm a 17 year old girl from a Muslim family living in the middle east, nonetheless my views are rather "western" and not so conservative.

P.S apologies for maybe posting in the wrong group?

To start, my parents have been married for a good deal of time, around 20 years and they still "love" each other though I'd question it now. However, there comes a "new" woman who is not so new and someone my dad knew way before my mother. So yes, I could say he cheated and I agree. To be direct, my wants to marry this new woman (as polygamy is allowed in the Islamic Law)...

Everyone disagrees. My family disagrees, "her" family disagrees and so does my father's. My mother is so deeply hurt and has been concealing it for years up until now. I've failed as a daughter, and I wish I could redo the past few years. To be a better person, and a better child. It wasn't until I had a chat with my father that I realised there's no turning back. The marriage would have to be signed off and my family would never be the same.

There's no way of convincing, as my father is completely dismissive to how we feel, claiming he's exercising his "right" as a man despite our réactions (this sounds diluted, our réactions were way worse but I would prefer not to elaborate). Although, if everyone's reaction is this bad then shouldn't that mean something? No, he completely does not understand how this decision is affecting my mother. And because it does, it's affecting us.

In addition, the way he spoke illustrates how he truly is. Selfish, egocentric and inconsiderate of other people as long as it's "acceptable" by hard set rules (the law). I would have never expected such disgusting behavior from him, or maybe I should have. It all adds up.

If this goes through, I won't even be able to bear being in the same house. Though this may seem contradictory, but I'd like to move out and live on my own. The issue is that I don't want to leave my mother, I practically do not want to ever interact with my father unless it's absolutely necessary. I'll definitely visit my mother and allow her to visit me, that is if my decision is allowed.

Yet, I just want an alternative.

You may agree with my father, and that's fine. But I don't and such actions to me are so immoral I don't want to associate myself anymore.

Sorry if I sound kinda incoherent lol

179 views • 1 upvote • 5 comments

COMMENT (5)

E

Posted at
I am so sorry! Praying for you. Hang in there and support your mom and as hard as it is look forward with your own life and make choices that will set you up for long term success.

Cl

Posted at
Hey! I can completely understand why you feel so upset! I live in Australia where polygamy is not legal, and I cannot imagine the feeling I would get if my husband decided one day he wanted a new wife. I’m really sorry that you’re going through this. I don’t really know the ins and outs of your culture, so I can’t really suggest another idea other than finding your own home. As for your mum, just do all you can to support her and love her. I’m sorry I haven’t been much help but I’m here to listen if you need 💖

Cl

Claire • Nov 4, 2019
I went through a very hard time with my family at 17 also, and when I was 18 I moved out on my own and I can honestly say it was a turning point in my life. It has only ever looked up from there! Are you able to support yourself if you leave? Do you have other family support? Sometimes it’s nice to just have someone to talk to!

Li

Li • Nov 3, 2019
Big thanks to you, the past few days has been extremely rough. At this point, I'm faced with the fact that I may have to be independent as my father isn't taking any responsibility. This is only the scratch of the surface of what's happening and it's just so emotionally burdening. I'm finding it hard to even smile, so I appreciate your reply

Li

Posted at
I just want some support, I feel crushed